Hi. I know. This is late. I’m sorry. I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed with everything lately, and for some reason I seem to be going through one of my ‘I-need-inordinate-amounts-of-sleep’ phases. They happen from time to time – as some of you know all too well!
As a result, I’ve spent most of the last week feeling a little brain-dead. You know the sort of thing, poor concentration, lack of motivation, more emotional than rational. I’ve been stressing a little about what to write here. I’m starting to feel the pressure a little, with all the plans I have, my hopes to grow my readership, the sneaky thoughts that keep popping into my head about maybe going into writing a bit more when I get back to the UK… I keep reading blogs that say if any of that is going to come good I need to ‘deliver killer content,’ ‘become an authority,’ that kind of thing. That’s quite scary really – although I suppose it’s slightly less scary written down out here than it is circling around in my head the way it has been for the last fortnight now.
One of the things that’s been adding to it all is the fact that I’ve spent a very long time thinking,
“I don’t write – I can’t write.”
It started in school: “Two sides of creative writing before the end of the lesson. Go!”
It used to take me more three-quarters of the lesson just to write half a side. It was a damn good half a side (even if my 16-year-old self does say so), but there wasn’t much of a plot.
So all these thoughts have been running around in my head, scaring me witless, and wordless, and lurking in the shadows whenever I’ve tried to turn my attention to what I’m going to be writing for the next few weeks. It’s not limited to the blog either. I’m writing more and
more in my day-to-day work – grown-up-official-writing in the planning documents, very-grown-up-slightly-theological items for the Bishop, what I hope is friendly-and-encouraging-but-not-patronising-or-scary copy, advertising our upcoming Alpha course, an accurate-and-interesting report on what I’ve done so far for those wonderful people who’ve sponsored me to be here… the list goes on…
That’s a lot of writing for someone who “can’t write.”
Then at the end of last week, as I was trying to figure out what was wrong (so that I could fix it),
a very good friend of mine asked me if I’d taken any time “just to sit” recently.
Of course, my answer was no. I’m only here for a year, so I’ve been running around trying to make sure I’m experiencing things, trying to work out how I’m going find the time to write about the experiences, even better to analyse some of them for you guys, trying to sort out practicalities for visiting friends and relations, to sort out permission to even stay in the country!* Trying to pretend that I can function just as well in the middle of the day here as I could in the UK – when it’s actually really quite hot now.
So I took the advice. I sat.
I did little that I didn’t want to do and what I did, I did in my own time. I chilled out, watched the rugby and didn’t feel bad about not making arrangements to meet a friend. I acknowledged that I wasn’t just watching the rugby, I was allowing myself to rest, which I clearly needed to do or I wouldn’t be sleeping so much! I passed out for about three hours on Sunday afternoon, but refused to feel bad about it when I woke up. And I did the first bit of real scrap-booking since I arrived (digital just doesn’t quite do it for me I’m afraid). Just me time. No thoughts about ‘coulds’ or ‘oughts’ or ’shoulds.’
And I do feel better. I feel like I’ve learnt something (or, more properly, revised it) about the importance of actively looking after me if I’m to stand a chance of getting done everything that I want to do. It’s a lesson I forget too often – although goodness knows I’ve had enough reminders in the past!
I’m still not quite right yet. Although I’m writing this post now, I’m not publishing it tonight – I’m going to bed and I’ll find and add the links tomorrow. I can’t promise I’ll get the McItaly inspired post about culture that’s sprouting in the back of my head out onto the page any time soon either… but I’ll try. Probably. After I’ve sat some more. Hope that’s ok with you.
*I’m allowed to stay until the beginning of May now – and I owe a colleague
a great deal of thanks for taking it off my plate of things to worry about.
As you know if you’ve been around here for a while (or read the About page), I’m here in Botswana on a placement through USPG, on their Experience Exchange Programme. I’m not the only one on the programme – there are seven of us in total.
I mentioned a while back that I was hoping I would be able to bring you posts from guest writers and, despite my recent trials with technology, today I offer you the very first Guest Post – from a fellow-EEP, our Special Correspondent in the Philippines… Enjoy!
________
Being based here in the North of the Philippines the people are predominantly rice farmers. I could put many different angles or spin on this brief message, any of which one could say was true.
I started telling you about the fun-filled day I had last Monday… I’ve finally had time to get around to writing Part Two, so here goes. (You might want a cup of tea, it’s a little longer that Part One.)
__________
It’s 12.20. Technology hates me and I want to cry…
I look at the screen for the desktop. It’s quite happy, doing nothing – except telling me to wait. Eventually I manage to track down the number of our IT callout guy. “It’s lunch time,” he tells me (“for some people,” I think!), so he’ll get to me as soon as he can. I tell him we need him “now now, not now in a while.” He assures me he’ll get here.
I go back to the laptop and start to write an email to the Very Very Nice Man from VC’s webmail account. At least I can send him the contents of the letter and the images, right?
I open a new message. It takes a little while… it’s a pop-up. I type out my message. It’s a good mix of information and apology, without being grovelling. I attach the images. I find the original information, copy, and paste into the body of the message. I figure the fewer attachments the better – slow service an’ all. I double check the address, add in the CCs, and I’m ready to hit the Send button.
Where’s the Send button?
I can’t believe it – I’m still a little bit stunned – but I found out today that I won two prizes in the BitRebels comeptition I told you about… So I have a ton of work to do, but some day soon there will be some very exciting new things happening here! 
To make the most of the new opportunities I’ve been given – I really need to know what you think, what you want to know more about, what you don’t mind hearing less about. Be as honest as you can – the negatives are good too! I want to know what’ll keep you coming and what’ll prompt you to recommend me to others…
I won free domain registration and hosting from Layer Online and a Digital Product Delivery system – so now I can move to my own domain (on super-duper fast servers) and start using some of the very cool widgets that I’ve had my eye on for a while… and I can start working on some collections of photos and things like that, that you might like too.
So… let me know what you want – if it’s photos – of what? If it’s traditional artwork – what kind? Beading? Pottery? Weaving? What about literature (not sure how I’d do that one – but I’ll find a way if it’s what you want) What about recipies? Or music? Or… I don’t know – you tell me! I’m here to work, not run a blog, but I also want to give useful or at least interesting material (and I still need to raise the money to stay!) so I need to concentrate on the stuff you want, rather than spend time on the bits you’re not interested in!
So there we are – slightly unusual post for me – but I’m so excited I just had to share! Leave your requests in the comments, or tweet me or email me! (You can even try to catch me on Skype!)
And to all the guys at BitRebels, Layer Online and DPD – thank you! Thank you very, very much!
